Step 1: Disciplining
There are many books with varying opinions on how you should discipline your children. The advice they give is good advice, however I believe that the person that knows your child best is you. Articles and books can give advice and again it can be good sound advice, but it is important to understand your child and what will work for them.
Not all children are the same this goes for children within the same family. Using time out for one child may not work for another. It is important to understand this and not try to force the same discipline on a child that it won't work for. A friend of mine has a child who defies all the rules of discipline and parenting. He had a problem biting and she asked me for advice. I told her every method I have ever heard of to stop a child from biting, and she had tried them all. As a last ditch effort she had to take the time to understand him to discover what finally worked for him. In the end understanding he was frustrated and scared of the other children gave her the opportunity to counter attach the biting. Ever heard the quote, the best defense is a good offense?
Children need discipline as part of their building blocks and parents use discipline to build structure which is the building block to being the best parent they can be. Children need to understand that there are rules, and when they break the rules, there are consequences to their actions. I have a parent down the street that swears, discipline them well when they are young it makes the teenage years easier.
When you can, discipline should also relate to the act. If a child throws cars all over the room, they should have to clean up the mess, if they yell they need to have some quiet time, etc.... If they are too small, give them some time to try alone and then help them. Make sure it is not perceived as a game to them, they need to understand that they are in trouble.
Step 2: Monkey see Monkey doo
Imitation is something children learn as early as a few months old. Just watch a newborn mimic your smile or open mouth. Mimicking is how they learn to behave, care for themselves, develop new skills, and communicate with others. From their earliest moments they watch you closely and pattern their own behavior and beliefs after yours. Your behaviors become permanent images, which will then shape their attitudes and actions for possibly the rest of their life.
It is important to be responsible, consistent, and loving with your child. This also holds true for the relationship you have with your spouse, your parents, and other family members and friends that are also a part of your child's life. Own up to mistakes when you make them, and communicate open and honestly with all family members. Often times if I do something that I would sit my son in time out for, ie yelling, cussing, etc..., I will sit myself in timeout in front of him so he sees that my rules are for everyone. It feels silly, but it is so effective.
Step 3: Love yourself
Part of being the best parent you can be is by taking good care of yourself. When were focusing on what's best for our child it is easy to neglect our own needs. Your child and your family are counting on you physically and emotionally, so it is imperative that you teach your child by example that taking care of yourself helps you to take care of them and the rest of your family. This shows your child that not only do you love them and the rest of the family, but you love yourself as well.
This is an important step in teaching your child about self esteem. This may involve getting a sitter and treating yourself out to dinner and a movie, or making the time to exercise, or even taking a day to yourself to enjoy a spa treatment. This teaches your child that you are not only their parent, but your own person with your interests and needs and allows them to stretch their individuality.
It is also important to nurture your relationship with your spouse. Let your child see you communicate in a positive and healthy manner with one another, and show love and affection for one another so your child can begin to learn early on what a healthy marriage looks like. I knew when my son came up to me, unsolicited, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek that my husband and I had taught him the value of affection.
You will soon see your child patterning many of his behaviors after your own. So make sure that what you say and do around your child will help build a strong sense of security and self esteem.
Step 4: Learn from Your Mistakes and so will Your Child
Everyone makes mistakes. Granted, some mistakes are more significant than others and harder to get over, but they are a part of life. How individuals deal with those mistakes is significant to their self-esteem. Children who are taught from an early age to admit to their mistakes understand that it is not a crime to make one, and they seem to have the ability to cope much better with them. They recognize that a mistake was made and admit the error. Most importantly, these children also develop a strategy to change the mistake and not do the same thing again.
Children who have no leaned this lesson early on deal with making a mistake quite differently. They view it as a crushing experience. More often than not, these children use the experience to devalue themselves. Instead of looking at the error as an opportunity to learn, these children interpret the experience as a reason to quit and never try again.
The process of making and learning from mistakes is an extremely valuable life skill for everyone because learning involves risking. Every time children risk, they will not always succeed, but they tried something new and most likely learned from it as a result.
When you make a mistake, another piece of being the greatest parent you can be is the opportunity to tell your child what you have learned to do differently the next time. Then, offer strategies to turn mistakes into learning opportunities. This allows you to provide your child with an opportunity to enhance their self-esteem and accept responsibility for the mistakes they make and they will be willing to listen. Help your child to realize that the mistake is the problem, and not them. Then help them develop a positive plan for the next time around, and what they will do differently the next time to avoid making the same mistake again.
Step 5: Love Them
It is trite to say it but it needs to be said, never under estimate the power of love. Like all the secrets above doing only one of these things will not make you to best parent you can be, but combine them all and add a lot of love in to the recipe... now you are cooking. Love does not need to be gifts, it does not mean not disciplining your child, it means loving them enough to give them structure, guidance, and affection.
I had an acupuncturist tell me once when I relied my fears of being a parent, she said this and it has sat with me since. "You will not be perfect; it is what you do after the imperfection that will be the lasting image." A hug may not fix everything but it surely is a good start.
Want more secrets? Check ot my blog Creative Parenting at http://www.swaddlingmama.blogspot.com
There are many books with varying opinions on how you should discipline your children. The advice they give is good advice, however I believe that the person that knows your child best is you. Articles and books can give advice and again it can be good sound advice, but it is important to understand your child and what will work for them.
Not all children are the same this goes for children within the same family. Using time out for one child may not work for another. It is important to understand this and not try to force the same discipline on a child that it won't work for. A friend of mine has a child who defies all the rules of discipline and parenting. He had a problem biting and she asked me for advice. I told her every method I have ever heard of to stop a child from biting, and she had tried them all. As a last ditch effort she had to take the time to understand him to discover what finally worked for him. In the end understanding he was frustrated and scared of the other children gave her the opportunity to counter attach the biting. Ever heard the quote, the best defense is a good offense?
Children need discipline as part of their building blocks and parents use discipline to build structure which is the building block to being the best parent they can be. Children need to understand that there are rules, and when they break the rules, there are consequences to their actions. I have a parent down the street that swears, discipline them well when they are young it makes the teenage years easier.
When you can, discipline should also relate to the act. If a child throws cars all over the room, they should have to clean up the mess, if they yell they need to have some quiet time, etc.... If they are too small, give them some time to try alone and then help them. Make sure it is not perceived as a game to them, they need to understand that they are in trouble.
Step 2: Monkey see Monkey doo
Imitation is something children learn as early as a few months old. Just watch a newborn mimic your smile or open mouth. Mimicking is how they learn to behave, care for themselves, develop new skills, and communicate with others. From their earliest moments they watch you closely and pattern their own behavior and beliefs after yours. Your behaviors become permanent images, which will then shape their attitudes and actions for possibly the rest of their life.
It is important to be responsible, consistent, and loving with your child. This also holds true for the relationship you have with your spouse, your parents, and other family members and friends that are also a part of your child's life. Own up to mistakes when you make them, and communicate open and honestly with all family members. Often times if I do something that I would sit my son in time out for, ie yelling, cussing, etc..., I will sit myself in timeout in front of him so he sees that my rules are for everyone. It feels silly, but it is so effective.
Step 3: Love yourself
Part of being the best parent you can be is by taking good care of yourself. When were focusing on what's best for our child it is easy to neglect our own needs. Your child and your family are counting on you physically and emotionally, so it is imperative that you teach your child by example that taking care of yourself helps you to take care of them and the rest of your family. This shows your child that not only do you love them and the rest of the family, but you love yourself as well.
This is an important step in teaching your child about self esteem. This may involve getting a sitter and treating yourself out to dinner and a movie, or making the time to exercise, or even taking a day to yourself to enjoy a spa treatment. This teaches your child that you are not only their parent, but your own person with your interests and needs and allows them to stretch their individuality.
It is also important to nurture your relationship with your spouse. Let your child see you communicate in a positive and healthy manner with one another, and show love and affection for one another so your child can begin to learn early on what a healthy marriage looks like. I knew when my son came up to me, unsolicited, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek that my husband and I had taught him the value of affection.
You will soon see your child patterning many of his behaviors after your own. So make sure that what you say and do around your child will help build a strong sense of security and self esteem.
Step 4: Learn from Your Mistakes and so will Your Child
Everyone makes mistakes. Granted, some mistakes are more significant than others and harder to get over, but they are a part of life. How individuals deal with those mistakes is significant to their self-esteem. Children who are taught from an early age to admit to their mistakes understand that it is not a crime to make one, and they seem to have the ability to cope much better with them. They recognize that a mistake was made and admit the error. Most importantly, these children also develop a strategy to change the mistake and not do the same thing again.
Children who have no leaned this lesson early on deal with making a mistake quite differently. They view it as a crushing experience. More often than not, these children use the experience to devalue themselves. Instead of looking at the error as an opportunity to learn, these children interpret the experience as a reason to quit and never try again.
The process of making and learning from mistakes is an extremely valuable life skill for everyone because learning involves risking. Every time children risk, they will not always succeed, but they tried something new and most likely learned from it as a result.
When you make a mistake, another piece of being the greatest parent you can be is the opportunity to tell your child what you have learned to do differently the next time. Then, offer strategies to turn mistakes into learning opportunities. This allows you to provide your child with an opportunity to enhance their self-esteem and accept responsibility for the mistakes they make and they will be willing to listen. Help your child to realize that the mistake is the problem, and not them. Then help them develop a positive plan for the next time around, and what they will do differently the next time to avoid making the same mistake again.
Step 5: Love Them
It is trite to say it but it needs to be said, never under estimate the power of love. Like all the secrets above doing only one of these things will not make you to best parent you can be, but combine them all and add a lot of love in to the recipe... now you are cooking. Love does not need to be gifts, it does not mean not disciplining your child, it means loving them enough to give them structure, guidance, and affection.
I had an acupuncturist tell me once when I relied my fears of being a parent, she said this and it has sat with me since. "You will not be perfect; it is what you do after the imperfection that will be the lasting image." A hug may not fix everything but it surely is a good start.
Want more secrets? Check ot my blog Creative Parenting at http://www.swaddlingmama.blogspot.com
I am mother and business woman in my mid thirties. I am good mom, striving to be the best mom. I have a wonderful 3 year old (can you say tantrums, potty training, and a great emerging personality?). When I was home with my son during maternity leave I created Swaddling Mama, a CD to help moms through that first year of parenting. You can download it on itunes. Since then I have been talking to parents about what has worked and not worked and now I decided to share it with all parents as a creative parenting resource. ENJOY!